Herd On The Street

Try this: walk among a large group of people at a busy outdoor event staring overhead for a prolonged period of time as if you were carefully studying some object in the sky.  If you sell it correctly, others will gaze skyward, curious to discover what has captured your attention. And the more who look up, the more who will continue to look up until the majority are participating (at least briefly) in the experiment.

This is a classic example of herd mentality, succinctly illustrating how people are influenced by the behavior of their peers. If you need a clearer example, look no further than the Black Friday shopping phenomenon that wonderfully demonstrates America's descent into the abyss year-after-year.

While the term originated to indicate the time when retailers began to turn a profit each year ("in the black"), it is clear that many would now associate it with something more sinister. Stampedes of aggressive shoppers pushing, shoving, and trampling fellow bargain-hunters are now all too common on the day after Thanksgiving. Although assaults, stabbings, and shootings are rare, even rarer are displays of courtesy and respect. Indeed, if all this lack of decorum revolves around a simple shopping experience, then God help us all when the next plague comes knocking.


"...the conch exploded into a thousand white fragments and ceased to exist."
                                                                                    ~Lord Of The Flies

Intolerant anti-shoppers like me watch from our TV screens in awe and guffaw, but that voice deep inside is really wondering, "WTF?" or at least, "When will this be a pay-per-view event?" This year's defining sound bite featured a man clearly agitated as the mob pressed forward loudly warning those around him, "Push one of my kids and I will stab one of you motherfuckers!" Happy Holidays.

I won't argue that they aren't deals to be had on Black Friday. I'm just not convinced that driving for hours or waiting in line for longer to save a hundred bucks would place you in an enviable spot in the gene pool. Even more dubious was the guy who camped out for four days and four nights boasting about the $400 he was going to save on a flat screen TV, smiling like he knew something the rest of us didn't. The last time I checked, time did have some value, but apparently not to those with a thick brainpan. As for the mobs (in flu season, no less), unless you're an opportunistic frotteur, I doubt the benefit is worth the risk. Too many palm-coughers and freestyle sneezers for my liking.

If consumers are using Black Friday to get a early start on their Christmas shopping, it's a shame that their civility towards each other can't also start as early.

Oh, the humanity!

Pollyanna Goes Shopping

I'm three-for-three this week at the grocery store checkout.  I've been there three times and all three times some mumsy in line ahead of me disputed a price.  I know it's not the greatest issue of our time and these things happen, but is it always me?  I've never tracked the stats and my evidence is purely anecdotal, but I'd bet good money that of the 1000 times I've been at a checkout in my life, well over half of those times there's been some sort of discord ahead of me in the line.

Who here looks like they may have an issue or two?

I've even went so far as to switch lines when the dispute became protracted only to (you guessed it) wind up with a dispute in the new line.  And then the original line starts to move in such an orderly fashion that those who were behind me in the line are checking out before me.  Is some higher being punishing me for my impatience or just getting a good laugh at my expense?

I'm beginning to think that I could be blindfolded, brought to some foreign country, to some unfamiliar store, load up on some random items, line up at some random checkout and STILL end up with some contentious issue in front of me that would eat into my day.

I've always assumed that this was just the way it is.  But then it occurred to me that if this is happening 50% of the time, why am I never the cause?  I've never had to dispute a price, never tried to pay with counterfeit currency, never had my card declined, never forgot my PIN,  never had an expired coupon, or never spent 90 seconds rifling through my pockets for exact change.  I'm not that guy.  So if you're part of the 50%, what's your issue?

I'm not sure who's usually at fault, but I suspect it's you.   And what's particularly irksome is the carefree and cavalier attitude you have while "bottlenecking" a lineup.  Those behind you in line have lives to lead and want to get on with their days without the extra crapola.

During the most recent occurrence, Junior behind the till actually left his post to go check a block of cheese that the consumer swore was 50 cents cheaper than the price that "rang up" on the electronic tally.  Minutes elapsed.  I quickly did the math.  If you value your time at $20/hour, is it really worth waiting five minutes to save 50 cents?  No, it's not even close.

Here are some more timeless tips for gladsome grocery shoppers:

No sampling or snacking while shopping.  That's just tacky.  This includes items you intend to pay for later.

Don't thumb through the tabloids or your favorite lurid picture-book at the checkout while you should be loading your goods on the conveyor.  The library is down the street.

May I help the next person in line?  When a new till opens up and the clerk offers to help the next person in line, they mean just that.  The next person in the queue will be the one who has been waiting the longest, so it's only just that they are next to be served.  In my experience this rarely happens.  More often than not, some ill-mannered type at the back of the line runs up to the newly opened till to be served.   Look up "discourteous" in the dictionary and you're apt to find a picture of these oafish types.  Don't look for these boors for help if the building ever catches on fire; they'll trample geriatrics and young children to get out first.

Stay out of the express aisle if you have more than the stated number of items.  The sign is posted for a reason; it's troubling that it's largely ignored.

Don't pull your vehicle up along side the fire route adjacent to the store to facilitate the transfer of your goods from cart to car.  Your cart has wheels to make your life easier and the exercise won't kill you.

Carts go back to the designated areas.  Don't leave them beside your vehicle or in the empty parking spot next to you to get windswept into the side of some poor bastard's car.  Getting them back to the general vicinity of the designated area isn't good enough either and there is no special dispensation given when it happens to be raining, snowing, windy, or past your bedtime.

Do your part, good citizens.